It’s torture, as in actual real torture lying next to Charlotte after she’s basically told me she wants to have sex. Worse I’m the one putting her off and though she’s lying silently beside me I can feel the waves of frustration emanating off her. But I didn’t expect her to want to have sex tonight. Hell we hadn’t even kissed yet.
Part of me is annoyed that she went and told Greta that she needed a condom. Maybe I’m a complete hypocrite but I want Charlotte to look to me for anything to do with sex because God only knows what her friends are telling her. I’d like to wrap Charlotte up and just velcro her to me so that I can control the ingress and egress of information that flows her way.
Sex is going to be good and it’s going to be with me. Full stop. Period.
That’s all she needs to know. Everything else is fake bullshit. Greta might be telling her the only way to keep a guy is to spread her legs and I don’t want Charlotte to feel pressured like that. Even though I can probably make her body ready, I want her ready in the head otherwise it’ll never be good like I promised.
Her tense body finally relaxes and when her hand falls away from my arm I can tell she’s asleep. I wish I could follow her into dreamland but my mind is still racing.
I want her first time with me to be something she remembers forever. I want to imprint myself on her so that no matter where she goes, she can feel me, smell me. She doesn’t know it yet and I’m not prepared to tell her but we’re going to be apart longer than the few months that she’s going to be away in Switzerland.
While we’re separated I know that Charlotte will be pursued by other guys so I’ve got to make every encounter with her be one that she can’t forget. I can’t rely on Nick to cock block everyone even though I know he’ll do his best.
Maybe that’s why I’ve held back from Charlotte, just watching her and being irritated to the nth degree when she dresses in her short skirts or her cropped tops or her fucking tiny bikini. I know that I might lose her and that would kill me.
I guess I thought I had more time. Time to wait until she was completely ready. I’d fixed her sixteenth birthday in my head. When that day came, I’d show her that she was mine and that we were meant to be together. I’d show her that there wouldn’t be anyone else she’d meet that would ever fit her better than me.
But waiting until she’s sixteen isn’t an option anymore.
I slip out in the pre dawn hours again. This time Aunt AM isn’t hiding in the kitchen and I don’t go and wake Nick up. Instead I fall into my bed and finally get some rest. I only get a little shut eye before my mom is at my door telling me I have thirty minutes before the car is taking us to school.
Groaning, I get up. This is good practice for my future, I tell myself. There’ll be times when I’ll go without sleep for days.
But I’m pretty much worthless through most of my classes so when Greta comes up to me during lunch and asks me about the previous night I just stare at her blankly. Unfortunately my pause only causes her to raise her voice.
“So you and Charlotte last night?” And the tone of her voice is so loud that everyone in a ten foot radius stops eating. Her hand spins a milk carton around. I remember Charlotte telling me that Greta is always in motion or some part of her is.
“Shut up, Greta.” Nick’s on her before I can clear the cobwebs and I throw him a thankful glance. He silently tells me to nut up and get with the program before Greta announces to the whole school that Charlotte and I are screwing.
“What’s the matter, was it bad?” Greta asks in a mock whisper. I say mock because it’s still loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. A collective hush settles over the table.
I tilt my head and just look at her, trying hard to remember my dad’s admonishments to respect every woman who comes into my orbit. Of course if dad heard this chick talking about Charlotte like this, he might change his mind. “I don’t know why you think I’d answer any question of yours about my personal life.”
Greta proves herself to be one dumb bitch when, instead of leaning back or just leaving, she presses on. “Um, because I gave her the condom she asked for so she could do you.” Her lips frame the last two words in a big oval. She probably thinks this is a sexy look but it reminds me a fish. “I told her that I didn’t think her frail little body could handle a big boy like you,” she winks. “But you probably did her out of sympathy. Let me know if you want a different kind of ride.”
The milk carton is still spinning in circles. I take my fist and crush the carton and milk spurts all over the table, some of it catching Greta right in her fish lips.
“I don’t even know who you are,” I tell her, shoving the rest of the milk carton into her lap. With a jerk of my head, I head out knowing Nick is right behind me. And behind him are the rest of the guys from my table. We’re all jocks but this is Nick’s crew because he’s the guy with the golden arm. I’m the reluctant couldn’t care less player who can’t wait to graduate and do real fucking things so I let Nick lay down the law to the crew as I stand behind him, arms crossed, feet planted wide like a looming angry asshole. Which is exactly how I feel at the moment.
“You asswipes say one word about Charlotte that is remotely sexual and Nate and I will give you a beating that will have you shitting out your piehole.”
“No worries, dude,” Kenny claps Nick on the back. “We got your girl’s back.” He gives me a nod and glides down the hallway. One by one they pat Nick on the shoulder and give their promise to keep it locked down.
Nick’s eyes turn to me with fury in them. “What the hell is up with that bitch?”
“No idea,” I say. “Charlotte knows her through gymnastics.”
“You gonna talk with her?”
I glance back at the door. “No. She wants the attention. Best way to teach her a lesson is to make sure she gets none.”
Nick nods and we separate to head to our next classrooms. Good thing Charlotte isn’t coming back to North Prep until next fall. Hopefully she’ll have better taste in friends when she gets back.
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